Monday, April 25, 2011

Graham’s prediction came too late for me; I saw Jesus and his mother at a Texas mall shopping for a new pair of scandals (no YouTube video to post)

On Sunday, Franklin Graham,  son of  celebrated evangelist Rev. Billy Graham, said in an interview with Christiana Amanpour on This Week, “. . . every eye is going to see (the second coming). How is the whole world going to see (Jesus Christ) all at one time? I don't know, unless all of a sudden everybody's taking pictures and it's on the media worldwide. I don't know. Social media could have a big part in that. Everybody's got their phone up and everybody's taking recordings and posting it on YouTube and whatever and sending it to you, and it gets shown around the world."

This is so true! But Graham’s prediction came too late for me. You see, I saw Jesus at a Texas mall last Saturday. He was shopping at a reasonably priced shoe and garments store that specialized in Christian wear. I instantly recognized him. 

When I was a kid, on the way home from school one day, I saw Jesus’ face in the clouds. I waved at him and went straight home. I told my mother what I saw. She said I was losing my mind.  I could not get her to believe me! I knew my religious grandmother believed me. She talked to Jesus all the time. Sometimes she shouted and talked funny in the middle of the conversations.

 I didn’t go outside to play with my buddies that afternoon. Jesus was watching us. I didn’t want him to see us harassing our favorite neighbor,  “Mr. Devil.” My grandmother said,  "God don't like ugly and he ain't crazy about beauty."

Billy Graham, son of famed Evangelist Billy Graham
For some unexplainable reason we (neighborhood kids) thought this particular neighbor was the devil. We dared him to send us to hell “in a hand basket." We heard older religious folk say that’s how sinful people were going to hell if they didn’t find God or Jesus. We later leaned that our neighbor was red-faced and angry because we irritated him with our incessant teasing and silliness. We eventually apologized to him. He didn't accept the apology. A few days later we found a new victim. We called her “The Witch.”

Anyway, back to the mall and Jesus. I was nervous and humbled by his presence. I spoke to him, my voice wavering. And then the community news reporter kicked in like humidity on a Texas summer day. I had the good sense to know this would be my one and only opportunity to have a face-to-face conversation with Jesus. Nervous and still humbled, I asked Jesus what he was doing on earth. “Your second coming is supposed to occur . . .” He nodded his head and smiled. He knew about all of the prophesied predictions. God didn't say when it would happen.

Jesus said he didn’t want to publicize his re-appearance. He said he has a lot of work to do while he's here, and he needs a new pair of scandals for all the walking he plans to do. He said his mother,  Mary, was with him. She was walking around the store, looking at a variety of scandals. Jesus said his mother wants to make sure he picks a good looking pair of scandals. She wants him to look nice on YouTube and TV when the word spreads around the world.

“Jesus-- as you probably know-- people are pulling you into their politics. Republicans, Democrats, Independents. How do you feel, being used as a political pawn?”

Jesus said, “ I don’t participate in politics. I can’t stop those who use me as a pawn. I am also called a socialist, which I am. I believe in helping the poor. My name is used for many things. I don’t approve but I understand.”

Shoppers in the mall were beginning to stop and stare. They were not sure who Jesus was. It was hard to believe he was on earth, shopping in a Texas mall. One woman asked doubtfully: “Didn’t you used to be Jesus? I mean I saw pictures of you! I mean you’re supposed to be coming back in a big way! Everybody will knows it!” Jesus smiled and nodded yes, he is Jesus.

 The shopper couldn’t believe her eyes. “Get outta here!” she said. “You’re gonna be a movie, right?” Hollywood is always making Jesus movies.” Jesus continued smiling. Another shopper answered the woman’s question. “This guy is not real. He’s straight out of a Hollywood casting.”

“If you’re Jesus, can I get your autograph?” He obliged. The woman walked off, mumbling something about eBay.

Jesus’ mother had selected about ten pairs of scandals. The salesman followed her, packing boxes of scandals. When he stooped to slip the scandals on Jesus’ feet, he looked up, staring at Jesus, his eyes on his face. He grasped and said, “Oh, my God! Oh, my God!” The salesman was trembling so profusely he could barely slip the scandals on Jesus’ feet. To ease his nervousness, Mary said with a straight face, “That’s what I said when I was giving birth to him.” The Bible never revealed that  Mary has a sense of humor.

Franklin should have called me. I would have told him that Jesus and his mother, The Virgin Mary, have already returned, shopping for new scandals in Texas. 

Later I called Gov. Rick Perry’s office for a comment about Jesus being in Texas. Of course, my call wasn’t taken seriously. The person on the other end of the line said bluntly: “The governor is not interested in your joke. Jesus has no reason to visit Texas.”

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