DD Syndrome, old White males, no abortions for women, no banning of Viagra

They're at it again. Old White male politicians are making decisions about a woman’s body.  They have decided that a woman does not have the right to seek a legal abortion. These old White males concur that aborting a fetus is tantamount killing a defenseless child.  These politicians, none of whom can bear a child, also agree that women should be denied contraceptives. They say women should have the child they conceived, use the rhythm method of contraception as practiced by Catholics, or keep their skirts down and legs closed. Protesting clergy, also making decisions for women, did not get the memo that stated 98 percent of Catholic women are on some form of birth control.

Presidential candidate Rick Santorum, a male obsessed with womens' wombs and their right to govern their own bodies, said if a woman is impregnated by a rapist she should accept the consequences as an “indirect gift from God.” In other words, bear your rapist's baby and thank God for the kid. Santorum, a Catholic, is  adamantly against women having access to contraceptives.

Republicans have always declared war on women reproductive rights. In 2011 with so many of them wining governorships and seats in Congress, they went knee jerk crazy! These White male politicians (a few Democrats included) tend to get silly in the opposite direction when the question is about Viagra. Yet they expect insurers to pay for this “medication” that was  created to temporarily relieve flaccid penises of the dreaded Dead Dick Syndrome (DDS).

Various states want to assure that any woman seeking an abortion is humiliated, discouraged and made to feel guilty before the abortion is performed. A congressman in Georgia proposed legislation that would declare abortions a crime. He wants doctors who perform abortions prosecuted for murder. If a woman has a miscarriage, she, too, would be subject to prosecution if the miscarriage is “suspicious”, implying she might have self- aborted.  

There is proposed legislation to make a woman's medical records open to the pubic. No such legislation is proposed for legislators wanting prescriptions for prick enhancers. There are no “suspicions” of internal foul play if a dead dick fails to rise above cold, useless scrotums. No male is humiliated before he is given a prescription for a bottle of blue pills. Unlike the woman seeking a legitimate abortion, male politicians are not shamed and humiliated because their lethargic dicks cannot come out to play. Their Viagra records of purchase will not be exposed for public scrutiny.  

Between me, you and the bedpost, I think there should be a required test for Viagra hunting politicians suffering from Dead Dick Syndrome.

To compliment the GOP's war on women rights, I think male politicians should answer specific questions when they go for a doctor visit. The visit should include an examination of the politician's penis. They should be required to list or verbally state the number of sexual partners they've had, listing a history all STDs  they have contracted. As an extra side note to their medical histories, the physician should ask the politicians if they've ever impregnated a woman, and subsequently demanded that she get an abortion. 

Doctors should ask politicians when they realized they were walking around with a dead dick in their pants. They should be asked what stimulates them the most: nude men, oral sex, naked women, animals, pornography, children, self-pleasuring, or some other kinky stimulation.

If the physicians are not satisfied with the responses, and have reason to believe the politicians are lying, they should tell the impotent patients that as a condition for getting a Viagra prescription they has to go to a strip club three or four times, get a few lap dances, and record their reactions. If this does not work the impotent patients should be required to watch two or three porno movies, writing their reactions.

Doctors should then focus on these questions during the follow-up visits: Were you aroused?, Was it a mental or physical arousal?, What caused the arousal?

If the impotent politicians says the experiences did not stimulate them, the doctors should inform the politicians that they are suffering from Dead Dick Syndrome, of which there is no cure. Of course physicians will write prescriptions anyway. Politicians have a right to purchase bottles of the penis puffers. It's legal. On the other hand, these pill seeking politicians do not want women to have the right to legally abort an unwanted pregnancy, or to get prescriptions for birth control pills.

The 1973 Roe v Wade Supreme Court decision gave a woman the right to seek a legal abortion without interference from impotent politicians. If politicians want to ban legal abortions and contraceptives, Viagra and other dead dick remedies should also be banned. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If a penis cannot stand on its own the male has no business demanding or wanting to have sex with anyone but his hands. 

This article was originally published in "Poet With An Opinion" February 14, 2012